The past 3 entries in my personal journal have been about surrender.  Jasmine and I live surrendered to God, to allow Christ to live in and through us (Galatians 2:20). As I have continually prayed for Jasmine’s healing, like the psalmist, I have asked God to search my heart for whatever needed to change (Psalm 139:23-24). His response to me was, “Surrender Jasmine to me.” You would think that it would be easy to say, “Yes, Lord” to the Great Physician, but at the time I could not. I feared that despite the constant prayers for her healing from hundreds of people, He might still take her home to heaven because His thoughts and His ways are not always ours (Isaiah 55:8). I know that He is sovereign, and He will accomplish His will regardless of where I stood, but it felt like if I surrendered Jasmine to Him, I was somehow giving Him permission to take her, and I did not want to be complicit in that.

Sovereignty sounds cold, like God is immovable and He will do what He will do because He is God and He does not need my permission. But sovereignty is only one side of the coin. On the other side of the coin are His goodness, His kindness, His compassion, His faithfulness, His mercy, His grace, and His covenantal love (hesed). Yes, God is sovereign and He will accomplish His will, but if He is all of these things and more, then I should be able to surrender or entrust Jasmine to Him because He is also trustworthy.

On 8/23, I surrendered Jasmine to Him. That was the last piece of my heart that He did not have. Can He take her home to Heaven? Yes, He can. Can He raise her up from the hospital bed and heal her, completely? Yes, He can, and I still believe that He will. I believe that God’s mission for her on earth is not complete. I believe He will honor the thousands of prayers for healing on her behalf. I believe He will gain greater glory if she lives than if she dies.

I am encouraged by the words of the Apostle Paul writing to the Philippians from a Roman prison. He knew that martyrdom was a possibility and he attempted to discern the outcome of his imprisonment, life or death. This was his conclusion that turned out to be true and I believe it applies to Jasmine:

25  Convinced of this, I know that I will remain and continue with you all, for your progress and joy in the faith, 26  so that in me you may have ample cause to glory in Christ Jesus, because of my coming to you again.  Philippians 1:25-26 (ESV)