My visit with Jasmine last night was the most difficult. I planned to leave at about 8:00 pm but left after the close of visiting hours of 9:00 pm. For 2 ½ hours, they had difficulty stabilizing her and when I left, she was not yet at a comfortable place. I witnessed her oxygen level drop from 92%, which is okay down to the low 80s, which is not okay. The ventilator setting was at 100% for the past 24 hours. Prior to that, she was stable at 40% so this was concerning to me. I don’t know what she was feeling or comprehending because she is unable to communicate. I can only judge by the numbers on the monitor that measures her vital signs that her system is declining.
I left the hospital with angst in my gut. While driving on the freeway, my mind was elsewhere. An unexpected thought rose that must come from the culmination of the past four difficult weeks.
There are three ways that we can raise our hand to God. We can raise it with an accusative finger, blaming Him for what we perceive as unnecessary pain or unfulfilled promises. We can raise an angry fist in His face because we feel He caused the bad stuff that has happened. Or we can raise an open hand, offering up anything that we are holding onto and receiving whatever He decides to replace it with.
In my lifetime, I have probably done the first two; I know for certain that I have done the second. There is no joy living like that, only the misery of self-centered arrogance. God has His ways of humbling us. Sometimes the things that we are accusing Him of or are angry about are the very means that He brings across our path to break our hardened hearts so He can remold us into the character of Christ.
True humility is not a natural human trait. It is the product of God working in a heart that is willing to let the Holy Spirit do whatever it takes to transform from the inside out. Only through a humble heart can we have a growing intimate relationship with God. I am not there yet. He is teaching me. I am receiving. It starts with raising an open hand.
Praying for you and with you. Raising our open hands to God in faith that He has a perfect plan in place for you.
May we all have open hands. Both hands.
Lord, hold tightly onto both Jasmine and Morris.
continuing to pray for Jasmine! and for you, Brother.
Chaplain, I can’t fully relate to what you are going through with Jasmine’s situation, but I am here with you. I’ve raised all three hands that you mention in your blog, probably all in the past week. I know God cares for us, loves us too, but it is the shining of his light in hardened or unexposed parts of my heart that cause this. At this time, I choose out of Faith that I raise Jasmine, you and your family up to God with open hands and ask that he take control because I have none. You are a mighty man of God, modeling what so many of us should be walking. Praying for Grace, mercy, and miracles. Love you Morris!
Amen, Uncle. We are walking and praying with you.
Morris, please keep your faith and keep raising an open hand to God.
Morris: praying for you and Jasmine from Auburn, WA. Mentioned your situation to Jessica (she was in your wedding party) and she will also pray! I just finished reading Job for my devotions and just want to say I am standing with you and holding you up before Jesus!
What a testimony. Prayer for continued strength, peace, and comfort. We know what you both built to further the Kingdom. We will not give up. We serve a God that is able to do it again.
Healing In Jesus’ Name.
Morris, Jeff and I are so sorry that you are walking through this traumatic event. We are praying for healing for Jasmine, wisdom for her medical staff, and peace and strength for you and your family.
I can’t imagine the feeling of leaving the hospital after the closing hours when you want to stay with Jasmine through the night. Thank you for sharing your thoughts as you’re going through this. Praying the Lord will heal Jasmine in a miraculous way. I know the Lord has her in His hands and will submit to His Will.