People often say you need to forgive, and they quote the Bible as though a person can simply say, ‘I forgive you,’ and move on. But people who haven’t suffered deep wounds don’t understand how difficult it is. ~ Melissa ~ Shelley’s Story, pages 95-96

“I forgive him.” Those three words stunned everyone. It was unexpected, improbable, even unthinkable. The date was September 21, 2025.

Eleven days earlier, on September 10, 31-year-old Charlie Kirk, a political activist who unashamedly shared his faith in Jesus Christ and advocated for values rooted in biblical principles, engaged in open debate with individuals of opposing views before a crowd of 3,000 students at Utah Valley University in Orem, Utah. A single gunshot rang out and pierced Charlie’s neck, killing him before the horrified crowd.

Charlie Kirk’s assassination shook the nation and the world. On September 21, 2025, a memorial was held at State Farm Stadium in Glendale, Arizona. The atmosphere felt more like a revival than a memorial service. The stadium was packed with 90,000 people; an overflow arena held another 20,000, and more than 100,000 were outside the venues. The memorial was livestreamed worldwide, amassing 100 million views. Christian musical artists led worship, and speakers included his pastor, Turning Point USA (TPUSA) representatives, and political leaders, including the President of the United States. The gospel of Jesus Christ was proclaimed by several of the speakers.

Then came those three improbable words. Charlie’s widow, Erika, courageously shared the pain of her sorrow and loss, but also of a resolve to continue the work that Charlie had begun. Then this grieving widow and mother of two young children stunned everyone with a message that no one expected:

“(Charlie) wanted to save young men like the one who took his life. On the cross, our Savior said, ‘Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.’ That man, that young man, I forgive him. … I forgive him because it’s what Christ did, and it’s what Charlie would do.”

The loss of a spouse through murder and the loss of a child’s innocence, safety, and well-being through sexual abuse occur under very different circumstances. But they share significant factors. Both horrific situations cause trauma; both inflict mental and emotional pain. There are no words to express the depth of anguish. Both can be viewed as unforgivable offenses.

Unforgiveness is a massive boulder for many victims of childhood sexual abuse (CSA), requiring God’s grace and the enablement of the Holy Spirit to overcome. Robbing a child of innocence damages the soul and causes internal struggles, among them false guilt, shame, anger, identity, and self-worth.

Forgiveness is a weighty challenge. The impact of unforgiveness on one’s spiritual life is profound. Paul said,

“And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:30-32).

The call to get rid of bitterness, wrath, and anger sounds reasonable for other lesser offenses, but doesn’t God deem it unreasonable to expect anyone not to be resentful for being overpowered by the worst kind of evil—sexual sin against a child?

Let’s align our hearts with God’s heart. One of God’s attributes is compassion. What happened to victims of CSA  grieves His heart. Jesus expressed His compassion for children. He said in Mark 9:43,

“Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him if a great millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea.”

He didn’t prevent the abuse from happening, but this wasn’t because He didn’t care. He gave us all free will, and the abuser exercised his free will to commit evil acts, whether it occurred once or repeatedly. But whenever it happened, Jesus grieved with them and for them.

Biblical forgiveness is the act of pardoning or releasing someone from a debt that requires humble obedience. Like Erika Kirk forgiving the young man who assassinated her husband, it’s possible by God’s grace, which He gives to the humble (James 4:6). We’re not under the illusion that this is easy. It isn’t. In fact, it’s nearly impossible but for the grace of God. The following verses in James 4:7-10 provide the context for how to approach this:

“Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.”

If you are harboring unforgiveness for any reason, take a step toward healing; take a step toward freedom; take a step toward becoming more like Christ, who forgave you of your offenses. God imparts peace after obedience; He may grant it immediately, or He may delay. But He will give you peace. Humbling yourself means bowing the knee before God, but He will lift you higher than you were before.

Stop and Consider.

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