I heard God ask me, “Melissa, will you trust Me?” I answered, “Hell no, I won’t trust You!” I didn’t actually say, “Hell no,” but you get the picture. That’s how I felt. I asked, “How can You expect me to trust You when You don’t protect me?” ~ Melissa ~ Shelley’s Story, page 51
My earliest childhood memories of learning about God date back to my toddler years in Sunday School. The first song every child learns in church is “Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.” Through Bible lessons, I learned that Jesus is loving, kind, and caring, as portrayed in pictures of Him carrying a lamb in His arms.
Ideally, a child who learns about the God of the Bible in a healthy, stable home environment develops what psychologists refer to as a secure attachment, characterized by a positive sense of identity, healthy relationships, and an optimistic view of the future. But when trauma from abuse marks early childhood, insecure attachment styles develop, three of which have been identified as anxious, avoidant, and disorganized (labels may vary slightly). The ability to trust is deeply wounded and becomes a boulder when left unaddressed.
Everyone is bound to experience a breach of trust at some point. People who are supposed to be trusted are not always trustworthy. Perpetrators of sexual abuse are most commonly someone in a position of trust—a family member, a caregiver, or a close family friend. Parents are responsible for protecting their children from harm, but parents can also be abusers or enablers.
What happens when trust in God is shattered? In Shelley’s Story, Shelley asked Jesus, “If You’re so loving and powerful, why did You let him do it? Why didn’t You protect me? It’s like, at the most critical point in my life, You ghosted me” (p. 64). She felt abandoned by Him.
Have you asked the same questions? Broken trust raises questions about God’s loving, kind, and caring character. How can you build a healthy relationship with God when you relied on Him for protection, but feel like He failed you? If you are a follower of Christ, then like Shelley, you believe God is sovereign—in control of everything; you believe He is omnipotent—all-powerful; you believe He is faithful and compassionate. But what happens when God doesn’t protect you from being victimized? Feeling abandoned is legitimate. Bible scholar Scott Ellington refers to this as “the mystery of divine hiddenness.”
For a child of God, His hiddenness in times when we feel powerless is distressing and confusing, contradicting our belief in God. How do we reconcile belief in a God who is faithful, loyal, compassionate, and loving, but who neither protected nor delivered when we were being victimized? Questions about God’s hiddenness are voiced throughout the Scriptures in the form of laments or lamentations.
Feeling abandoned by God when you were sexually abused presents a challenge—to turn away from Him or to continue to trust Him. Whatever His reason for being hidden during your abuse, He wants you to know that He was with you in your suffering; He wants you to know Him more intimately and invites you to trust in His love and compassion; He wants your faith and joy to grow higher and deeper as you pursue your walk with Him.
Consider His encounter with Mary and Martha in John 11. They sent word to Jesus that Lazarus was gravely ill, but He intentionally delayed responding and allowed Lazarus to die. This was not out of indifference but for a greater purpose. When He arrived, Mary and those with her were weeping. Even though Jesus knew what He was about to do, He was moved with compassion by her grief, and He, too, wept (John 11:35). He felt for her, and He wept with her. Hope for healing Lazarus was lost, but Jesus performed an even greater miracle. He instructed the people to remove the stone covering the tomb, and “He cried out with a loud voice, ‘Lazarus, come out’”(John 11:43).
If it felt like Jesus ghosted you when you were being abused, your feelings are valid. You may not understand why God didn’t prevent the abuse from happening, but it wasn’t because He lacks compassion or is indifferent to your pain. In the same manner that Jesus wept with Mary, He felt for you and hurt with you. Jesus weeping with Mary wasn’t the end of her story, nor is it the end of yours. He could have healed Lazarus, but He performed a greater miracle when He called Lazarus out from the tomb.
You may feel like part of you died because you were abused, and if so, He’s calling you to “come out.” Trust Him. He has so much more to do in and through you!
Stop and Consider.
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