I’ve always believed that God is loving, kind, and caring, but … the tragedy of losing my father at age four, the horror of being sexually abused for six years by my adoptive father beginning at age twelve, then losing Shelley at age twenty-eight felt agonizingly cruel. ~ Melissa ~ Shelley’s Story, page 161
While working on George H. W. Bush’s presidential campaign in the late 1980s, political strategist Lee Atwater asserted, “Perception is reality.” Politicians, entertainers, advertisers, news organizations, and social media influencers apply this to create a perception of reality in the minds of their target audience.
The truth is that perception is not reality but rather the lens through which we view it. Our worldview is shaped by the influences we deem authoritative and credible. Parental influence and religious or non-religious influence in early childhood shape our core beliefs and values. Other life experiences contribute to forming our perception of God, ourselves, and the world.
If our lens is a biblical worldview, then we believe the God of the Bible is loving, kind, and caring. The Scriptures also reveal that He is sovereign (supreme authority), omnipotent (all-powerful), omnipresent (everywhere), and omniscient (all-knowing). In opposition to God’s supremacy, Satan is active, spreading evil and inflicting harm wherever he can through addictions, dysfunctional family life, abuse, crime, or (fill in the blank).
Mental, emotional, spiritual, and sexual abuse leave no visible scars but cause invisible damage to the soul. What if you were powerless over your circumstances and were a victim of someone else’s evil choices? That’s always the case in childhood sexual abuse. Effects such as emotional wounds that don’t heal or an inability to build healthy relationships often feel insurmountable to overcome.
When we are traumatized by being sinned against, our predominant question is, “Why?” We call God’s character into question because our experience doesn’t align with what we believe about God. We may question ourselves or our beliefs because none of it makes sense or is justified. If you grew up in a spiritually healthy church, you can probably relate to Melissa’s belief that God is loving, kind, and caring. But if you were a victim of sexual abuse as a child or teenager, like Shelley and Melissa, you questioned those beliefs:
- If God is loving, why did He allow me to be robbed of my innocence?
- If He is kind, why did He let me be wounded with emotional scars that feel like they’ll mark me forever?
- If He is caring, why did He abandon me instead of protecting me?
These are legitimate questions. You may have other similar questions, but asking God may not result in having all your questions answered. God declares through the prophet Isaiah,
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. (55:8-9)
Some things about God will remain a mystery until we meet Him face-to-face, but pursuing answers to difficult questions often leads to an unexpected destination.
20th-century pastor and author A. W. Tozer wrote, “It is doubtful whether God can bless a man greatly until He has hurt him deeply.” Hold on a second. Let’s read that again. Does Tozer’s statement challenge your beliefs about God? I first heard this quote while listening to a well-respected preacher on the radio, and it stopped me in my tracks. I didn’t immediately grasp what Tozer meant, but it stirred my spirit to dig deeper to fully comprehend the truth in his statement. I came to understand it theologically, but a few years ago, an encounter with God transformed my theological understanding into experiential reality.
During the COVID-19 pandemic, my wife and I both contracted COVID. I recovered, but she did not; God called her “home.” Losing my wife of more than 36 years has been the most painful experience of my life.
Facing my painful circumstances, I had three choices: I could choose to walk through it on my own, turn away from God in anger, or accept His offer to walk with me through my grief and loss. I chose to turn to Him, and I experienced the grace, comfort, care, and compassion of His powerful presence. My loss was devastating, and I don’t wish to ever go through that again. But in turn, God enlarged my heart and deepened my relationship with Him, for which I would not trade for anything.
Being deeply hurt by God doesn’t mean He wants to hurt us. Victims of abuse can rest assured that God didn’t cause the hurt. Satan is the driving force behind all evil. Although God is sovereign and allowed it to happen, as Creator and Loving Father, He demonstrates His power over the evil that harms us. We may feel hurt by the hiddenness of God or by His delay, as in the case of Mary and Martha in John 11, but He may have a greater purpose that has not yet been revealed.
Many choose to keep memories of sexual abuse buried, because reliving them is too traumatic. However, Tozer infers that deep pain is unavoidable to receive God’s greatest blessings. God doesn’t allow us to experience pain out of cruelty. He is motivated by love. Even if the process is painful, He walks with us through whatever is necessary to overcome our woundedness and restore our souls.
The journey is often slow and involves removing tree stumps with deep roots, but discovering and embracing our authentic soul hidden beneath the boulders leads to freedom and fulfillment. Wherever you are on your healing journey, stay the course. The destination is worth it.
Stop and consider …
Click here to subscribe to blog posts and ministry updates
Leave A Comment